The Conversation On The Mountain
Do you ever look back in your past and miss who you were?
I was climbing up a mountain with my friend at night. It all started with me looking at the sky and saying, “This could all be a simulation.” I don’t actually think we are in a simulation, but technically none of us know 100% for sure. You can believe in God but still don’t KNOW for sure. So, sometimes, its fun to think of all the possibilities. Even if they are all contradicting. Next thing I said was, “How many people have actually seen space? We only see pictures that the government shows us.” Again, I believe in space but its fun to think about it like that. He then shot me down with all these smart words explaining why it’s real. Then we started talking about time and light. How if your on Mars and your looking at Earth you are I seeing it 8 minutes earlier. Or how on some planet 8 seconds could pass there, but 8 years pass on Earth. Like what? That’s insane. If you’ve ever seen Interstellar, I love you because that’s my favorite movie. I love thinking about stuff like that. It again on occasion, otherwise I think I would have so much anxiety all the time.
A YEAR AGO
A year ago I was always hanging out with my friends in Queen Creek. We would skate, swim, go to the lake, do the most random things every day. But it was so fun. I was making random videos too. It was perfect because they would skate all the time and I would go with them, but I had an excuse to be there. I get scared to skate by myself because I’m not good and I’m a girl. I would always have my film and TikTok’s that I would make so I call that my “excuse”. I never skate anymore. None of my friends really do either. Most of the boys left on missions or to school. I moved to DC. Also tik tok at that point was just something fun for me.
NOW
Now, I started viewing it as a business. I started being so focused on the numbers and money. My videos don’t seem as carefree and genuine anymore. It’s hard to go back to the mindset of “just for fun”. I don’t think it helps that a lot of my friends or people I know are successful on it and do make a living off of it because then I start to compare.
A YEAR AGO
Last year I had the best mindset. I was my favorite version of self. I had this big insight on life. I saw the deeper meaning.. I saw people for themselves. I was so loving and judge free. I read a ton of “inspirational” books.
ON THE MOUNTAIN
We got talking about life and people and futures. One of my biggest goals in my life is to write a book. Whether its an autobiography or a fictional book, but using my experiences in life. Which means, I want to experience life. I want to experience culture. I feel like with traveling, even if its just in the U.S., its allowed me to get outside of myself, I think traveling humanizes people and makes them more aware and compassionate. I know a lot of people can’t travel. But, even being aware of other culture is good. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their lives and all their minor inconveniences. I’m guilty of this. But, realizing the world is so much bigger than me. I told my friend, “when my mom passed away, obviously I was sad and not invalidating my feelings, but I thought ‘so many people have lost their moms.’” With losing friends and family it made me realize death is common. That alone makes me look at people different. Think of all the hidden things people have gone through. With that, I want to live my life. I want to hear peoples stories and see the world. I want to write about my experiences for those who can travel. When I went to New York I worked on this project that I called “A collage of strangers” Unfortunately my film didn’t turn out but what I did was went up to strangers and asked if I could take a
The Conversation On The Mountain
picture of them for this project I’m doing. Most said yes. After that, I would talk to them about random stuff. It usually would start off with me hearing their accents and asking where they were from. Every person was from somewhere different. There were so many old couples that I talked to that had the most interesting lives. I could spend hours talking and listening to their words. My friend on the mountain earlier said, “I think of my life as a book. When I do something I think ‘Would this be a cool chapter?’” So for me, I thought about it and think me living in DC could be a chapter in my book. What do I want in my future chapter?
“There isn’t a person you wouldn’t love if you knew their whole story”
My other favorite quote a friend shared with me once was, “Life’s going to be hard, but you get to choose what hard you want to live”
Marriage is hard but so is divorce. A job is hard but so is not having money.
What hard do you want in your life? What do you want in your book?
Do you ever look back in your past and miss who you were?
I do. I did on the mountain. I mourned for my old self who was fun, had lots of friends, didn’t overthink, had all this good insight in life. But that is still me. I have just been busy. I’ve just been a little lost. But I can wait to find myself again.
See you in the next chapter.