Deconstructing the American political religion

Deconstructing any belief is a hard thing to do. Not to mention one that you were taught from birth to believe. For me that belief is the “American dream.” I was taught that `America is this amazing country that is one of a kind and everyone wants to be in. We are a country that fights for others freedom. We are the good guys. We just help people. That it is the best country in the whole world, and everyone wishes they could live here. I was taught, that for the most part, everyone else was the problem. It’s been a confusing thing, finding and figuring out that I don’t believe that to be true anymore.

I 100% believe there is this thing called the “American bubble”. it is so easy to be unaware of the things going on in the world. America has enough problems within its own country to keep your mind off global events. It’s also big enough to give the impression that it’s the whole world. You’re not really exposed to other countries or cultures. I used to live in that bubble. And it took me moving out of the country to finally get out of it and get another perspective. i got exposed to global conflicts and politics. I saw what people were really saying about America as people not from there. I started caring about history. And with that, came the discovery that the United States was not what I was taught it was.

I believe it’s currently a place that isolates a person based on their political stance. If you are not from the states, let me explain something to you. Very often, your political stance defines who you are. Not necessarily the issues you care about, but whether you are a republican or a democrat. And with that, comes a lot of assumptions. In the same way you hear “christian” and probably have a lot of preconceptions that come in mind. I was raised in a veryyyy republic family and location. my parents told me certain things were bad, so I automatically adopted it as one does. The hard part is to look at what you believe in, critically to really see if it’s what YOU believe in. Not just what you were taught to believe in. religion can have a huge part in this as well. There are certain things I feel you are expected to believe. Certain political issues that can feel non negotiable. I can’t speak for all christians and everyone’s belief, I’m just sharing my experience.

Along with struggling with some of my political views, I’ve also been struggling with the Christian church. Not Jesus, but the church. It’s been a really weird thing. I see so much going on and so many issues that I see so many people talk about, but not my christian friends. Most christians I see continue to talk about the same things. Abortions are wrong, sex before marriage is bad, we need to save souls, and conflicts with the LGBTQ+ community. Now I know, social media does not have to be the place where you share your political stances. I know I don’t have the whole story. But being so far away and seeing those be the only conversations happening, or nothing at all, it’s been making me really sad.

Something that I’ve refrained from talking about too much on social media is what’s going on in Israel/Palestine. I don’t think it’s right at all. And I don’t think a lot of people in the states know what’s going on, or care enough to know. This is once again, one of the issues I see my non christian friends care about, but have seen or heard zero conversation about it from my christian friends. And it’s actually been slowly breaking my heart. I take a stance of no violence. It’s something that took me a while to come to. i’ve seen so many christians defend what Israel is doing because;

A. They are God’s chosen people

B. They were warned this would happen

C. They are just trying to get Hamas which are terrorists.

I would disagree with all those excuses. The Israel in the Bible is not the same as the state of Israel. I don’t think any excuse is good enough to accept killing thousands upon thousands of children, women, and men. Innocent civilians let’s keep in mind. And that’s not to say that there isn’t killing on the other side of it as well. But not to this extent. Not this fast. Not this callous.

I heard this saying once, “if there was a killer in a school full of kids, would you bomb the whole school to get rid of that one killer?” i would hope not. I would think you would do everything in your power to save those kids. Well, the same applies here. As a christian I HATE injustice. I HATE that innocent people are being killed. I HATE violence. I hope you do too.

Now, there is a lot more I could say on this topic, but I would rather share that with people who care enough to want to know. I would love to have those conversations one on one so you can also have a place to have your voice heard. But please have those conversations with me.

There is so much going on in the world as well. not to mention everything going on in America right now. But again, I don’t see any conversations happening about any of it from my christian friends. And that sucks. I want to believe christians are these people that won’t stand for injustice and are these people that are so loving and stand out from most people.

I think there are so many things to care about. For instance, standing up for your fellow man like, the no kings march that went on all over the States.

Instead of complaining that abortion is wrong, why don’t we help single mothers have support, why don’t we adopt more or try to refine the foster system since it’s so broken and that’s where a lot of the kids would go. and instead of condemning someone for that, why don’t we love them. Same goes for any issue. Why don’t we stop judging and condemning before loving and supporting them.

I am currently questioning what it means to be christian. What does my life look like as a christian. how do I want to represent the church?

Ive said some very broad or vague things. I haven’t gotten into a lot of the facts, political stances, or research I’ve done. But I don’t think it’s necessary right now. This is for people who are also questioning the things they believe in. This is for the people questioning what kind of person they are and want to be.

It’s a hard thing. To admit that you were possibly wrong in your beliefs. Its humbling. It’s scary, because what if you’re wrong again? It can be so so alienating. To be someone in your community who thinks something different. To possibly get condemned or thought less of for those beliefs. But that’s the beauty of life. Always learning more. Always growing. And if you thought the same things you whole life, in my opinion that would be pretty sad. That would mean that you’ve never had more perspectives. You’ve never seen more. in my experience, it’s also allowed me to give more grace to others. To know that at one point I thought something else too, and to know that I might think something else in the future.

Now, I’m moving back to the States. I am terrified. I am scared that I’ll have no place after living the life I’ve lived. Separate from politics, but even the lifestyle. It’s so different. What if I miss it? What if I regret moving back? What if this is me just giving up because living away from home is hard? And then with religion, what if I go back to the christian church that doesn’t have room for different opinions. What if I don’t find friends who also care about what’s going on in the world? What if I feel isolated because of my beliefs and my values?

Ive been slowly losing faith in the Christian church. Because of the things I already talked about. I want to have hope in the church again. And I know there are churches out there that make differences and have programs to help people around the world. But I’m not in those churches. What if I move to Texas and it’s just the Bible Belt faith. The “Jesus died for you so you won’t go to hell, because that’s what you deserve, so say this prayer and you will be saved.” I feel like there are all these thoughts and understanding in my head but I can’t get other people to understand. I can’t get people to understand me. And everyone wishes they were understood. To be seen is to be loved. i have to be okay with people not understanding me. Because for that to really happen, someone has to listen with no prejudice. They have to be open and willing to want to understand, even if it contradicts what they believe. And same with me. I have to be willing to do that for others. I’m lucky I have one person who truly understands me. I think that’s a blessing because I don’t know how common even that is.

It can be hard to have all these feelings and care about so much but feel helpless to actually do anything. People can dedicate their whole lives to just ONE thing they care about, and barely make a difference. It feels like you have to just choose one thing. But how?? How can I make that decision? But you can start with one thing. One small thing and then it can turn into two things. Then more. Or maybe then after 10 years of that, you tackle a new issue. I don’t know the answers. Cause that’s how I feel right now. Helpless. I’m too far away to make a difference. In Belgium there are so many struggles with language barriers with the most basic of things. Like talking to strangers. Or volunteering at certain places. And that shouldn’t be an excuse but unfortunately I’ve used it as one. So now, I move back in 3 days. ive decided for no excuses anymore. I’m going to have those hard conversations with friends, I’m going to pay attention to local politics and how to make a difference, even if its just voting for the mayor or different politicians in the state. I’m going to volunteer somewhere. I am going to do research of where I can donate. Idk I will just DO things finally. And it starts with this blog. Because ive re written this 3 times now. And for a while it was so angry. It was so angry with America. It was angry towards christians. And I was just mad. Then I realized that wouldn’t help anyone. Because what if someone feels like I do, where everything they know isn’t true anymore. Or they are at least questioning whether it is. Not even specific to the things I talked about, but in anything in life. What if someone is questioning their political stance but I come and yell at them. What would that help? whats the line between standing up for what I believe in and trying to tell people to WAKE UP, but still having grace. When does having grace become making excuses. And I don’t have the answers for you, but I know I wasn’t happy with my first few drafts of this blog. So I hope that we can have conversations. I hope if you are struggling with something you can talk to me about it. I hope that you never stop questioning your beliefs to make sure you still believe them.

*I was taught growing up to never question your beliefs because that means you don’t have enough faith, but I now believe that to be blindly following. We should question everything, because if your faith (in anything) can crumble just by asking a question or by taking another look at your faith, then its not real faith at all*

I can’t not end it in I love you. I was raised to say it all the time because you never know when that will be the last time you can say it. And I do genuinely feel love you. For you who take the time to read this, who take the time to dive into my thoughts and understand me just a little bit more, who are possibly feeling just like me. I do love you and I thank you for reading this. See you next time,

• Pj