I don’t know who I am.

Okay so being a young adult is the weirdest stage of life. It is sad and confusing, but fun and exciting. It’s hard because there is so much change around this time. A lot of friends move or are going in different directions. You typically don’t have the same friends you did in high school. But, you are on your own and get to be independent and do whatever you want. I’m currently torn between getting my life figured out, or having fun and traveling while I’m young. People always say I need to start settling down because I can’t always do this. But I’m only 18. I don’t have a husband, kids, or anyone depending on me. I don’t have any commitments right now. This is the perfect time to travel and just see where life takes me. I want to see the world and experience culture. But then, I want to be successful when I'm older and I don’t want to start too late. UGHHH see? AND adults always make me feel like this little kid that is immature when I say this.

But, with all of that, I am also changing. I’m growing up. I feel like I’ve been in this state of not knowing who I actually am, but just holding on to what I’m used to. With social media, loses, and just growing up, obviously I’m not going to stay the same. I used to be very in tune with myself and I don’t know what changed. But, like I said earlier, I’m just holding on to what I know. I know I used to like skating, clothes, music, reading, hanging out with certain people, certain music, and more but I don’t know if I even like all of that anymore. Worst part is, I don’t even know how to figure that out. I feel like its even harder with social media because I know some people followed me for those things. I also see trends and compare myself. I have to try to be careful and aware to not get too caught up in it all and completely lose myself. Social media sucks.

Outgrowing Friends

I think outgrowing your friends is harder than having some kind of big fight with them and not being friends with them anymore. When you outgrow your friends its not like they really did anything bad. It’s also not something that can really be resolved. It’s you knowing you don’t fit right with them now and its best for you to step away because you are in a different place. Whereas, when you get in a fight, you can makeup. It’s also sometimes difficult to realize you’ve outgrown your friends. It’s sad too. Change is hard and it sucks. It feels like everything is changing at this point in my life.

But, I am also excited. I can do whatever I want to. Like literally, I can move to another country, get any job, go to school, or literally become a new me. Its refreshing that I don’t have to stay the same.

I also do love to be alone and I think that’s how you find yourself best. The only problem is I haven’t had much alone time lately. I used to be so good at saying no to people and taking time for myself, but with traveling I haven’t. I also haven’t been journaling which is why I’m so excited about this blog. You can figure out my life with me.

Religion

This is a big reason I feel in an identity crisis. I have so many questions. I was raised mormon but wasn’t very active since I was around 12. I said this in an Instagram post a little bit ago, but I’m trying to figure out what I actually believe vs. what I was taught to believe. I think some things about the mormon church are good. I think with any religion there is truth and good. It sucks because there is this stereotype around the church which isn’t all true. The other thing that sucks is the culture around it. There are so many amazing people in it, but its hard because it gets such a bad rep. With that said, there is still a lot I don’t agree with. Lately I’ve been researching Christianity. I’ve been going to my friends house church. I resonate with it a lot and the people. I’ve been feeling so happy and its like this overfill of joy that I just want to share with everyone. The number one thing my mom taught me was “The only thing that matters is your relationship with God. Others peoples judgements don’t matter.” That’s what I’m taking with me as a figure out what I believe. So, I feel like because I don’t know where I am spiritually, it’s also causing me to question my self identity. Anyway, I could talk forever about this topic and go into a lot fo the details about what I do or don’t agree with but I would have to make a separate blog post about that. Let me know if I honestly should haha.

Goodbye

I also always have this feeling of wanting to help people and I feel it so deep but I don’t know how to. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing more or inspire more people. I feel like I haven’t even been making impact on anyone lately. I feel like my social media is pointless if I can’t help people with it. I feel like most people are the hardest on themselves. I know I am. I put this unnecessary pressure on myself for no reason. But, I would never put that on anyone else. This is causing me to not give myself time to figure myself out.

Point of this is, if your in the same situation as me, its okay. You don’t have to know. Easier said than done if you overthink like me, but it really is. Everyone is going through something. So love everyone and spread kindness always.

“You never really understand a person until you consider thing from his point of view… until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” -to kill a mockingbird

See ya -pj